Tuesday, October 11, 2011

1.      My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning, can you believe that?  2:30am?  Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes. 

2.       I saw a poor old lady fall over on the ice!!   At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse. 

3.       My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet. 

4.       The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. 

5.       A friend of mine admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time. 

6.      My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70.    "Forget this," I thought, "I can get one cheaper off the web." 

7.      Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy. 

8.      I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. 

9.      I just met a fat, alcoholic, transvestite. He wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.

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